Day 41 ,Just writings….
So I stop writing for posting and sharing with everybody …altho I was writing in my journal  with out sharing with anybody .
I listen the interview from Sunette about writing and importance on  self honesty and this interview inspire me to write again .
I have many excuses why did I stop writing …the big one is I don't feel good physically (this is nothing new …I had and have problem with my health …,I feel tired all the time and I know part is physicality point ,but part is the mind point and i will be writing about this next ).

I got to question again if this process maybe is too late for me…,i mean used to live  50 years with this mind construct and I see in others people ,when if You   are young this process  is really gift  ,because you have all life ahead of You ,…,but I came to the point if this is worth for me to do it ,in this stage of my life ?
I know this is self sabotage talk ,this is giving up point on me , when  I see how abusive is this , this attitude and behavior towards me and life .

Nobody promises  that this will be easy or quick  .but again is up to me how long I want to wait and postpone my life .



I can see ,that the life I know is from the mind and thru the mind and is the life I am familiar with it and in some points comfortable with it …? 

….so there is again the self forgiving sentence on points of giving up …..
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to give up easy on me ,on the points of changing me and my life ,were i want to stop and come back to life I know ,because I feel comfort with in ,and in this moment ,moment of giving up forget about life possibility and potentials ,only possible  if I change and stand up .

2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be pessimistic about my change and tendency to go for depression  ,not realizing that the process of changing myself is something  new ,something i never done before ,so obviously  i will make mistakes on the way ,but there is no excuse to give up ,that easy.

3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to compare my life with people i know ,to see that their life is better ,more easy  from my perspective ,were I need to understand of many points are in play ,for example i see their life from out side ,I do not know about their life preprogram ,etc..,so it is silly  and not wise to go this way of comparison and any comparison ,because I do not see the whole picture of situations.

4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,to not trust the writing I do ,to not trusting myself with writings and effective walking in real life with my commitments ,to understand that is only me who make or not make  the walk ,ether  i do it or not .

5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed ,myself to postpone my writings ,to postpone the walk of self commitments ,to allowed myself just waiting ,waiting for better time ,which is abusive ,because the time is here and now ,and I am here now.

6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to not fully see and understand the process of writing ,that is the tool were I can support myself ,were I can change myself if I am self honest with me and automatic with others ,were with this  writings and walking the points I can expand my awareness  of life here ,were I could change and be the part of bigger change ,which is so needed now in this physical reality .

7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,to exist just on the surface  of my emotions and feelings ,were those feeling and emotions are base on energy , when I do not sort them out ,when I just allowed them to exist ,to totally be posses by them.

8. I commit myself to write every day ,even small points ,even small emotions or thoughts  ,to stay and be persistent   with the writings and walking ,to not allowed my emotions or feeling to control me ,but take a stand and breath and wright .

9 .I commit myself to work with the 4 counts of breath ,especially ,when I feel emotions and feelings .

10.I commit myself to slow down ,to say loud my self forgiveness sentences  ,to take step by step with my self commitments  statements  .

Thank You !